One Magic Christmas (1985)

Harry Dean Stanton was such a selling point for this movie, they put him on the poster *twice*!

This year we take a look at another 1985 classic, One Magic Christmas. It stars Mary Steenbergen, Harry Dean Stanton, and Elizabeth Harnois. This is a movie that's been labeled "too dark" by many reviewers. Is it? Let's see!

This movie is from Disney. That means it's full of happiness, right? Right?!

First we get the title screens. One Magic Christmas was made by Disney to compete with fellow 1985 holiday film Santa Claus: The Movie, by the Salkinds.

It turns out neither film made loads of money, with Santa Claus: The Movie pulling in $6 million on its first weekend and One Magic Christmas earning $3 million over the same span. Not much, but here we are almost 35 years later and they are my two favorite Christmas movies of all time! Go figure.

One TRAGIC Christmas might be a better title, amirite?

The movie begins with Gideon the Christmas angel sitting atop a tree, waiting to get his assignment from...Santa Claus. Anyhow, Saint Nick tells Gideon that he has to help Ginny Grainger get back her Christmas spirit.

"Wait, I'm a bit confused. I'm an angel, and *Santa Claus* is my boss?"

Gideon tracks the Grainger family down at the local shopping mall, where we see Ginnie refusing to pay $4 for her kids to see the mall's Santa Claus. Bah, humbug!

"$4? That's an hour's work, Jack. You'd know that if you had a job."

Gideon meets the Grainger kids, Cal and Abby, and gets told to "eat snow" by some hockey-playing young hooligans. All in a day's work for an angel!

"Don't mind me, kids, I'm just glad to finally be out of that damn tree."

Just as a poorly-aimed slapshot is going to take Abby's head off, Gideon magically redirects the puck into a neighbor's window, and the hooligans scatter.

He shoots! He--oh crap!

Back at home, Ginnie and Jack are about to be booted from their company-owned house by Mr. Crump, the Continental radio boss who canned Jack about six months earlier. Crump reminds the Graingers to be out by New Year's. Abbie informs Crump that her dad thinks he's a dork, which is actually pretty accurate.

Mr. Crump barges in with the new tenants. Awkward.

After a bathroom scene that seems to go on for about half an hour, we shift to Ginny at work, as she is forced to deal with overbearing boss Herbie (Herbert) Conklin and obnoxious customers like Harry Dickens.

Nothing fuels the Christmas spirit like working retail.

Harry is down on his luck and ready to take out his financial frustrations on anyone nearby, such as cashier Ginny.

Even his own kid is facepalming.

Back at the Grainger household, daddy Jack is telling Abby that angels really do exist. This is good news for Gideon, who will need her to believe a bit later on.

"Are you sure you don't have any spare change, Abby? I really need to get that bike shop off the ground!"

Cal and Abby overhear Ginny talking about the family's financial shortfalls. They start to wonder if Santa is going to pay them a visit at all this year.

"Abby, I think Santa hates poor people."

Abby has the bright idea to write a letter to Santa. As things turn out, it's a good thing for her entire family that she does.

"Santa, send cash."

Abby tries to mail her letter, but Gideon has been waiting for this moment, perched in yet another tree.

"These power lines are making my fillings tingle."

He removes Abby's letter from the mailbox using the heavenly powers he has at his disposal. Those powers look like a spotlight stolen from Carnegie Hall.

Don't you hate when you accidentally drop your flashlight into the mail?!

Gideon tells Abby to give the letter to her mom instead of mailing it. When the time is right, mom will mail it for her. Abby, not knowing the horrors to come, innocently agrees.

"Try not to be upset by the awful things I am about to do to your family."

The next day, the Graingers take a family trip to visit great-grandad Caleb, who gives Abby an old snow globe he finds in his attic.

"The secret of my longevity is my belief in Santa Claus. That, and whiskey."

Caleb Grainger tells Abby she can have the snow globe, after informing her that the Grainger family have always been strong believers in Santa.

"If you happen to run into St. Nick, tell him I want youth for Christmas. Youth, dammit!!!"

  
Back at home, Gideon visits Abby in her bedroom.

"Has anyone evet told you that you're the creepiest angel in history?"

Gideon drops the snow globe, shattering it.

"Up in heaven, my nickname is 'butterfingers'."

He then uses his angelic powers to reassemble the broken glass.

"I could make a mint fixing windshields!"

Next we see Ginny berating unemployed husband Jack about his lack of a job. He takes offense and decides to go for a stroll around the block.

"You're right, entrepreneurship is stupid!"

Ginny goes after him, and makes the world's worst attempt at cheering someone up. After singing Jack a depression-inducing song, he leaves her for another turn around the block.

"What, singing you morose, existentialist songs isn't a good idea right now?"

In Jack's absence, Gideon appears and tells Ginny the obvious: she lacks Christmas spirit. This is like telling Darth Vader he lacks a kind disposition.

"To teach you to love Christmas I'm going to destroy your life."

Meanwhile, Harry Dickens is desperate for cash. Apparently everyone in this town is poor. The levels of poverty, in order of decreasing wealth, are as follows: Ginny Grainger, Harry, the hobo behind the liquor store, Molly Monaghan.

"Will you buy my car for $100? Maybe my camp stove for $50? Okay, how about ny hat for two dimes?"

Ginny finds out that Jack is about to raid their savings to buy the kids more toys. She ends up getting fired by Herbie (Herbert) for attempting to leave the store and get down to the bank.

"You can't leave, I own your soul!"

Harry has a gun, and uses it to rob the bank. Too bad he didn't try selling the pistol instead of that useless camp stove a bit earlier.

"Buy my car or I shoot!"

Jack attempts to talk Harry into releasing his hostage, but only succeeds in getting himself shot.

"Wait, this thing actually works?"

Harry kills Jack, then steals his car and abducts the kids in the process. Then he tries to run a police blockade and ends up in the river.

Still Harry's most successful day in years.

Ginny has lost her job, her husband, her car, and her children all in one day. Besides that, the holidays are going well!

Her family didn't even clean the bathroom before they died.

  
Luckily for her, Gideon has saved Abby and Cal! The car's a goner, though. And Jack.

"I'd never let anything bad happen to your family...oh, wait..."

Gideon tells Abby that going to see Santa Claus might be a good idea. By taking his hand, he claims, she will be transported to the North Pole.

This trick is also useful in power outages.

Look! It's great-grandpa Caleb's snow globe. It seems it's an accurate representaton of Santa's polar workshop.

Santa sells these to make a few extra bucks.

Gideon flies her to within sight of Santa's place, but tells her she has to go the rest of the way by herself.

"You see, Abby, I owe Santa money."

Abby knocks and is welcomed by Mrs. Claus. She lets her in and Abby meets Kris Kringle, who tells her only her mother can bring her dad back to life. Which is kind of an odd thing to say, when you think about it.

"Gideon better not be sitting in my sleigh again!"

He then takes her on a tour of his workshop, introducing her to all the dead people that toil there, forever doomed to assemble toys.

"The dead work for less money than elves, and they don't require medical benefits!"

In the workshop's mail room, Santa locates an old letter Ginny wrote to him and gives it to Abby. He tells her to show it to her mom when she returns home.

Santa has a full-time staff just to separate out all the junk mail.

Meanhwhile, the angel Gideon has been hanging out with the reindeer, chilling in Santa's sled.

"This is way more comfortable than those trees!"

St. Nick tells Abby he has to go on his Christmas Eve gift-giving binge, then turns himself, his reindeer, and his sleigh into a blue meteor and zooms out of there.

Send it by blue orb when it absolutely, positively has to get there overnight.

Abby returns home and shows Ginny her old letter to Santa Claus.

Look at that thing! What has Santa been using it for, extinguishing candles?

Reading her own childhood letter to Santa prompts a resurgence of belief in Ginny, and she goes back to the mailbox to mail Abby's letter.

"I've been waiting for you. No, seriously, I've been standing here since we got back from the North Pole."

Gideon approves of Ginny's new attitude, and wishes her a Merry Christmas. Although Ginny has improved, it's notable that she still doesn't return the holiday greeting, instead wishing the angel good night only.

"Just what is your deal, anyway?!"

Suddenly, all the Christmas lights that went out just before the awful stuff started happening switch back on, symbolizing that Ginny's hardships are now over.

Either Ginny's regained her Christmas spirit, or someone finally replaced the neighborhood's blown fuse.

From out of the misty night walks Jack, back to life. In fact, none of the past 24 hours even happened, and time has been reversed so that Ginny can experience the holidays as she should have. Thanks, Gideon!

"Why does it feel like I've been walking around this block all day?"

Ginny and Jack are reunited, and he's surprised by the "sudden" change in his wife's outlook and demeanor.

Gideon's doing, or a handful of Prozacs? You decide!

With a second chance to live the next day, Ginny finds Harry and offers him $50 for his camp stove, removing the need for him to go on a homicidal rampage. He wishes her a Merry Christmas, which she still won't say back.

"Thanks for the cash. I promise not to shoot anyone!"

At work, Ginny tells Herbie (Herbert) that she won't work on Christmas Eve. Instead of firing her, he actually acts like a decent human being, prompting her to give him a hug and a kiss. Miracles do happen!

"I'm the Scrooge to your Crachit, Ginny."

Ginny, Jack, and the kids get to watch the town tree-lighting ceremony. Apparently Medford is so broke they can't even put up a Christmas tree without a private funding campaign. Tough times all over!

Looks like all the decorations were hand-made in 1950.

Back at home, Ginny decides to give Jack a check for $5000 (their life savings) so he can start the bike shop he's been wanting to open since forever.

That's what Christmas is really about - big checks!

Meanwhile, Abby and Cal hear some strange sounds coming from the roof. Could it be--?

"It's either Santa or a cat burglar."

Ginny, now upstairs, goes back down to investigate the noises coming from her living room. She discovers old Saint Nick, placing gifts beneath her tree.

"Is that a squirrel I see hiding in there?"

Santa notices Ginny and wishes her a Merry Christmas.

"Say it already, woman!"

Ginny returns his greeting. Her belief in Christmas is back!

"Merry Christmas, Santa. Can I finally get that Mr. Potato Head now?"

His job done, Santa is out of there like a bat out of Hell!

In other news, hundreds of Medford residents reported UFO sightings that night.

The movie ends with the angel Gideon, once again perched in a tree, sporting a self-satisfied grin at a holiday job well done.

"What a great day. Ginny Grainger has her Christmas spirit again, and Santa forgot to collect that cash I owe him!"

So, to sum up One Magic Christmas, here's my own handy-dandy chart.

Hope you enjoyed this look at One Magic Christmas. See you next year!

Next year: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.